Queuing up in Venezuela

I wrote this on Monday while I waited for a flight that was only 50 minutes late. People told me that a four hour delay was normal when going to Puerto Ordaz, my hometown. I reached inside a tightly packed bag to take out my journal and a pen. Thankfully, the bag was full but not heavy because it was mostly packed with toilet paper. Don’t worry, it’s not what you think. The rolls were a present for my mom. Yes, toilet paper. The pants I bought for her in Thailand and the singing bowl from Nepal were nice but the six rolls of toilet paper, priceless.

Luckily for my back, my mother doesn’t drink milk and for those out there who like me, love it, I suggest you read this article and spare yourself the search. If you want milk in Venezuela, you have to be lucky to find it at a decent price. You have to commit to queuing up for hours, sometimes days. The shortage in Venezuela is not limited to luxury products such as milk and toilet paper, Venezuelans are also queuing up for meat, coffee, refined sugar, soap, diapers and medicine. Luckily, none of those are terribly important.

In case you were not paying attention, that was a joke. A bad one for parents of babies and sons of aging parents who find nothing funny about the situation.

But we should move on to a lighter topic and find humor in the fact that I am traveling on a plane carrying rolls of toilet paper inside my bag! Amongst all the travel blogs that I’ve read, I never found one that talked much about this important item. In India, for example, I got used to carrying a roll inside my bag and a daily supply inside my purse. While hiking in Nepal, I learned that wet wipes can save the day and somewhere along the way (perhaps in Kenya), I begun stashing a few squares at the end of every transaction, just in case I didn’t get lucky next time.

If I have to wait six hours to pay for my groceries, how can I be surprised when my flight is delayed? Instead, I feel thankful for flying at all because finding international flights is a thing of the past. I see tourism offices with signs that say there are no flights, anywhere, until further notice. My perception of the drastic economic decline in the country becomes more real now that I’m here and my day-to-day becomes directly affected. Right now, it’s hard to hold on to my liberal tendencies. When I see how we live right now, believing in a socialist utopia becomes absurd.
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Venezuela is learning hard lessons: don’t waste anything, be thankful for what you have, be patient. If things keep going this way, we will also become the healthiest nation in the world by being forced to keep a vegan diet. The nation now finds humor in the insane and I’m not talking about the crime that makes our country amongst the most dangerous places in the world, I am talking about laughing when we pay 1700 BsF ($140 under the current black market exchange rate) for four big sheets of colored paper, one yellow poster board and a tube of silicone.

When we finally get ready to board, I see a couple of people with hippish looks who are clearly coming from abroad to stretch out their dollars and see El Santo Angel, the tallest waterfall in the world located in Canaima National Park. How far a dollar goes is directly correlated to how little the Venezuelan Bolivar can get you. The severity of the situation is clearly demonstrated by the fact that our biggest printed bill (100 BsF) is not enough to pay for one arepa, Venezuela’s most popular street food which on average costs less than a burger.

I want to think that things will get better.

And in that spirit, I will counterpart my rants and send hope to my leftist friends noting that Venezuelan people still know how to have fun. Despite inflation, crime and shortages if you still decide to visit this beautiful country, you can not only hike through Tepuis (table-top mountains unique to this region) and enjoy some of the best wind surfing in the world in Margarita Island. You can also party in “El ManĂ­” which I dare say it’s possibly the best underground salsa club in South America and the coolest club in Venezuela, without a doubt. I want to tell readers that our chaotic paradise comes with women that look great, even if they know they’ll be standing in line for hours. If boobs and butts are your thing, you are welcome to ignore everything you’ve read so far and book a flight to the north of South America with Venezuela and Colombia taking the lead on cleavage and ass because at least when it comes to love, in Venezuela, there is something for everyone.

PS: I am borrowing the signature image from La Patilla. Please check them out: http://www.lapatilla.com/site/2015/01/14/un-nuevo-oficio-en-venezuela-los-profesionales-de-las-colas-fotos/